I Want to Be a Jedi Master

I've been thinking about confidence.  Consciously anyway.  One of my reader friends messaged after the post about Blogginess that confidence was an important part of getting more readers.  I have been processing that email for about a week now.   

See, this blog is my dear diary blather, right?  This is where I spill out that even though it looks like I know what I'm doing on the outside, the inside of me is just making this up as I go along.   I know a lot of people in 3D think I have my shit together, good head on my shoulders, outgoing, blah, etc.  They've thought that for as long as I can recall.  I would love to think that too.  I would love to feel that.

Please have a little patience with me while I get there.  I believe Woody Allen's theory that 80% of success is just showing up.  So my usual internal monologue is, "Okay, I'm here.  What now?"  Even as Reunion Chair.  I do know what I'm doing sometimes (more lately); trusting myself is usually where the glitch lies.  But I know that you have to start somewhere.  Sticking a toe out the door is a good thing.  Putting your whole self out there is even better.  I say things to my self like, "The journey of a thousand miles..." and "You can't win if you don't play" and other cliched encouragementisms as well.  I mean, Yoda didn't start out as a Jedi Master, right?.  He was probably some punk little kid too smart for his own good using mind tricks he had no clue how to properly employ.  That thought comforts me.

Anyway, I want to be a Jedi Master.  Y'know, all Zen-like and whatnot who can still kick ass when ass-kicking is required.  Someday this dear diary will reflect that transition.  But you have to know the backstory.  Makes it more human.  When I vent about ACK!  What the hell?! personal stuff, consider yourself witness to the beginnings of my path to Jedi Mastery.

X update:  He's only halfway through his dental stuff.  Halfway through?!  Wha?  At least that's what he told me today.  He's got a dermatologist appointment tomorrow to investigate these skin abnormalities that seem to have popped up.  Apparently it wasn't only the one mole on his never-seen-the-sun stomach (out of the horse's mouth, people, so don't just take my word for it).  There are multiple Dysplastic Veni on his person.  I googled.  This is some kind of complication of the cirrhosis and his GP caught them and wrote a derm referral.  I've already mentioned I like this GP although I haven't met him and I'm not exactly sure how much good painting more deck chairs on the Titanic will do.  However, Dysplastic Veni could be cancerous and wouldn't that be a kick to the head at this stage in the game?  After that tomorrow there's a meet and greet with the new gastroenterologist around the corner (you will not be surprised that I am not invited to tag along).  X is also waiting on ultrasound results to see if he's got kidney stones (from the GP?  Urologist?  it's hard to keep them straight lately).  And the hits just keep on comin'.

And I don't know if this is related at all but Thing 2 is desperate for the next meteor shower to wish on a star for SpiderKid powers.  He wants to fight bad guys, swing webs and see things coming before they happen.  X is supposed to take the Things out to "the country" next week so they can see the meteor shower without too many city lights.  Thing 2 daydreams about this SpiderKid business in class a lot.  I told him, "Look, Peter Parker had to get good grades in school to go college even after he became SpiderMan.  You can be SpiderKid all you want, but you still have to focus on your work and be Thing 2 during school hours.  Does that make sense?"  Basically: Don't quit your day job.  We're working on it.