The Megachurch Next Door

Fitness update:  Walked a couple of miles.  Did some squats and lunges in between emails.  50 sit-ups.  It's a start.  My goal is to fit comfortably into these Flamingo pants I recently acquired by Memorial Day.  They're white and since I don't live under a rock I know I can't legally wear them til then anyway so that's a built in time-crunch cushion.  So far I can zip them up but walking in them is not my favorite and if you ask me to sit down while I have them on at this point, well then, you're just being mean.  I'll take a picture tomorrow for Before-and-After purposes, right now I feel like being a slug on the sofa.

Anyway, on my walks I usually pass by the local megachurch.  It's one of those non-denominational, monstrous, stadium churches I think should only exist in places like Texas but nope, it's right around the corner and I have to go there to vote.  ugh. They broadcast on TV and if you're feeling really masochistic then you can follow them on twitter.  And, hey, apparently they DO have a branch in Texas, so there's that.  gross.  They've got a coffee shop, bookstore, daycare/pre-school, rock band, choir, jumbotron and glowsticks just like any other shopping mall church.  It's totally normal.  You should see the fleet of buses.  Not frightening at all.  And Pastor Steve arrives for services via helicopter.  Just like Jesus.  Wait, what?  Jesus didn't do that?  I bet he would have if chopper technology were invented in biblical times.  No?  You don't think so?  You should really talk to Pastor Steve about this.  He's very respected and admired in the community; he'll happily tell you so himself on his webcast.  You should tooootally trust him.  Here, give him a hundred dollars and he'll let you trust him...seriously, he'll call you a Centurion and knight you with a glowstick or something.  Go do it.  I dare you.

So, besides that, this convention center cult church is on my walking path and I see the back of the building quite often.  This part in particular disturbs me somewhat. 

Can you see that?  That pattern there?  What in the world is that?  I think it's some kind of code.  Are there words in there?  These people are going to get bought out by the Scientologists soon and that's like the alien landing station or something, isn't it?  I am not pleased by this at all.

Also, when I passed the...building...today I saw two 20-something urban hipster rapper edgy poser dudes (my guess: Youth Pastors) pacing the parking lot.  They were in some kind of deep discussion full of wild hand gestures.  The wind shifted and a something caught my ear, "Dude!  What the fuck?  That's my fucking style..." complete with the splayed-finger downpoint and heavy on the elbows.

All I could think was [eyeroll], "Hey, Malibu's Most Wanted, your hat is crooked."  And then the word douchecanoe would NOT get out of my head.  Say it in your head exaggerating the long U sounds.  It's a fun word. 

Anyway, when the End of Days plan comes to fruition is that going to devalue my property?  How about an ATF invasion and firebombing live on CNN?  I don't want to have to evacuate for that...unless I could steal the chopper.