Saturday, March 13, 2010


I may or may not have plans with Cindy Brady (my youngest sister) and Blackbeard (her boyfriend) tonight so I'm going to see if I can get anything coherent out now just in case I'm not around later (fingers crossed for plans!).

Cindy Brady is home for spring break from [choir voice] AAAARRRRT SCHOOOOOL.  I'm so excited.  She's graduating in May.  Seriously, I cannot wait to have her back in town again.  She's been in Savannah for the last two and a half years and I am oooover it.  See, Cindy Brady is a badass punk rocker chick sans the tattoos and weird hair.  Actually, her hair got all the Swedish in the family; it's super long, death defyingly straight and naturally platinum blonde.  Her hair practically glows in the dark in the summertime.  Cindy Brady is awesome.  Her boyfriend rocks too.  I call him Blackbeard because that's his favorite pirate.  He is way into boating; not-even-kidding, competitive, sport fishing, boating.  He builds his own boats for cryin' out loud, like, with welding and everything.  Kil-ler.  He's really nice too but I swear all five feet seven of him could totally kill you if you pissed him off.  So, y'know, don't piss him off.  He's like a pirate ninja.  I love that kid.

Anyway, so I might be going out with them tonight.  They are so fun.  Should be getting the call  aaaannnny minute now. 

I did some dirt therapy today.  Weeding, ugh.  I only worked on the "beds" prepping them for flowers and Pampas grass.  Otherwise I'd be out there for the rest of my natural life because it's all weeds around here.  If not for weeds my yard would probably look like a white trash dog run minus the chain link fence and old tires.  What I wouldn't give for one of those uber suburban dads who's all anal about the lawn.  Yeah, not holding my breath for that.  It's green at least and as long as I cut it regularly it's not entirely horrific.  Plus, I don't care if the kids play football/soccer/pickle/monkey in the middle/whateverthehell all over it.  I think if you have one of those "show lawns" kids are supposed to keep off the grass.  So stupid.

So, dirt therapy was fun.  I got completely filthy and took out a couple more Mimosa roots.  awesome.  And hacked down a couple of boxwoods.  Only three more to go before the beds in front of my house are an exact replica of some kind of lunar landscape.  I am certain my neighbors think I'm a crazy person.  "There goes Silver again.  First the azaleas, now the boxwoods.  And with no shoes on!  Do you think they're planning to sell?  Maybe we can get a nice, normal family in there next time instead of some batshit divorcee.  You know she doesn't even wait at the bus stop with her kids anymore?  Let's not invite her to the next powow."  They're having the next powow now incidentally.  Was I invited?  Of course not.  They'll sit in their plastic adirondack chairs in front of that metal firepit thing in the driveway nursing two Michelob Ultras until 10:30 when they're all [yawn, stretch] SO tired.  Gotta get up early for church in the morning!  Nighty night y'all.  Grown ups.  yeesh.

X update.  I saw him for the first time in, gosh, ever this afternoon.  Maybe since that innards doc appointment a few weeks ago?  He looks weird.  The color of his skin is, well, remember in ET when those guys in the hazmat suits came in and took over the house?  Remember how ET was all gray and chalky?  X's skin is like that but instead of being gray and chalky white he's gray and chalky yellow.  So, that's like death pall and jaundice, right?  And he showed me his teeth.  Holy hell.  They've got one side of his head fixed so far, so the inside of his mouth kind of looks like Two Face from Batman.  One side, Harvey Dent.  Totally normal.  The other side...[shudder].  It's pretty fucking disgusting.  He's got at least two more three to four hour appointments left.  Deep cleaning, root canals, crowns, godknows what else.  Man.  My dad said, "At least he'll go to hell with a nice smile."  There's looking on the bright side, Dad.  My thoughts exactly.

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