Monday, April 19, 2010

A Case of the Mondays?

Fitness update: My delts say, "Lay off the freakin' tiller, lady.  Or stretch first or something.  Ow."  My hamstrings and abs are hiding in a quiet corner somewhere but I'm totally going to find them.  I just have to follow the trail of quesadillas.  They have a thing for cheese.

Things update:  God, I was such a snappy bitch with them today.  I was awful.  I was mad at Dad but he wasn't around to lash out at and lashing out at him wouldn't do any good anyway.  So the Things transgressed and I snapped like a twig.  For example: Homework looked a little like this...

Me:  Fifty cents plus ten cents equals...[teacher pause] 
Thing 2: [collapses on sofa] I don't know
Me: What are you? NEW?!  Fiih-fffffteeee. Plllllus. Tehhhnnn-uh.  Eeeequalzzzz...
T2: Sixty? 
Me: Yes!  (That was not a cheerleader "yes" either.  That yes meant: Oh. mygod.  That was the most excruciating hamster-on-the-wheel moment I have witnessed from you in a while.  I have to leave the room now)

And the rest of my experience with them today looked a lot like that too.  "No, you may not have another dessert, you already had candy.  Do not push me on this, I already said no.  Wha?!  Did you just say just kidding to me?!  You are not allowed to say that ever again ever.  Ever.  To anyone.  [finger point] I mean it."  And I actually had to stand behind them while they brushed their teeth so nobody got another "accidental" kick or shove.  Holy lord.  "You do see I have no patience at all today, right?  So why are you doing every possible thing to drive me toward prescription medication?  Good grief!  And what are you...?!  Quit launching off the sofa!  It's after 8 o'clock!  SETTLE DOWN!"

So, I totally sucked at parenting today.  I really have to apologize tomorrow and settle down myself apparently.  I watch Super Nanny sometimes, I know they were just being their regular boy/brother selves.  I was the problem.  Dammit.  [deep breath]  Tomorrow.

NBF1 update:  She called this afternoon.  Clearly upset.  This wedding business of her sister's is sending everyone into a tailspin.  It's like six weeks away and we knew this was going to happen but these laser beams of come from unexpected angles, don't they?  So, we're having a moment where she feels sort of like Sam in Sixteen Candles...ignored and displaced in the family dynamic.  Totally valid.  I mean, it's not her birthday or anything...and she's probably not going to be making out with Jake on a dining room table at the end...she just gets the shitty also-ran feeling for a while.  And then the wedding drama will go away and things will resume like normal.  Probably.  But she should still consult her therapist about this because pop culture references to 80s movies officially make me not qualified to dole out long term life advice.

Audrey update:  She said on Friday she's going to go a whole week (this week) without mentioning Tin Man to me.  [Makes W sign with hands]  What. ever.  She already mentioned him once today but I'm not counting that because...well, okay, I'm kind of counting that, but we didn't spend 7 emails talking about what a dick he is because I didn't mention him in my reply.  So it doesn't really count.  It counts as like a half mention.

And...what else?  I can't remember.  I watered the strawberries?  I've only had to replace 12 lightbulbs so far this month?  Another one went out in the kitchen yesterday though...I just haven't gotten around to that yet.


diane said...

Yes, I'm at the age where any weekend work in the yard KILLS my back. I found that obscenely rolling your back on one of those foam cylinder thingies that gyms and physical therapists have helps. You need to roll verrrry slowly over your pressure points. You'll know when you're doing it right when tears come to your eyes. But the next day your back will feel better!
I, and every other mother I know, feel a lot of guilt about taking things out on the kids. And, sometimes when my son is just guessing while doing his homework, its all I can do to keep myself from blurting out "are you retarded?!" Yes, I know its not PC to say or think such things, and my son is actually bright (isn't everyone's?), but there are times . . .

Silver said...

You make me laugh, Diane. I had to leave the room because I was about 5 seconds from saying that out loud.

I have this stuff called Muscle Treat:
It works for aches and strains without the weep-inducing rolly thing you mentioned. Although, if that's your thing...I'm not here to stop you. lol