Saturday, September 25, 2010

But Wait, There's More

I'm pretty sure the Commonwealth is a high dollar hooker.  Because if I have to pay someone an insane amount of money to get repeatedly fucked...that's the only logical explanation.

I spent hours.  and hours.  at the DMV yesterday.  I called before I went to make sure I had all my paperwork in order.  All my fines spelled out in surgical detail.  I was dropped off at the agreed upon location.  Blood money at the ready.  unmarked bills.  like you do.

I waited.  People watched.  There are some interesting looking people at the DMV.  I guess they figure, "fuck it.  it's the DMV.  what the fuck does it matter?"  And somehow the black and white striped Hamburgler tee with the high waisted black cargo shorts paired with pilled navy blue socks hiked up to there and playground blue crocs will do just fine.  Could be a "fuck you" statement to The Man.  I'd appreciate it if it were that.  But it's probably an indication of a life no longer lived because that frayed, wilted home perm seems kind of like an everyday look for you and I'm sorry your life sucks so visibly and out loud.  AND you have to spend all afternoon at the DMV on top of every other sucky thing it looks like you're dealing with.  I feel your pain and stuff but honey, Kmart is right there, pick up a mirror on your way home.

And that high school chick who wore her dance team outfit to take the road test.  Um, I know you're quite the dish when you're standing in front of geometry class but here, well, when you're parallel parking on an out of the way side street and the DMV dude asks if you want to test the shocks...just say no. 

Anyway, people watching aside, I'm still sort of illegal.  But only one kind right now.  But they're still fucking with me because they tacked on a whole nother fine at the very end that nobody ever told me about and I kind of think they totally made it up because if I have to pay another $220 when that $160 (and many other hundreds of dollars) I already paid was supposed to take care of this very thing and the nice lady in the state capital told me so a few weeks ago and you're really nice too but it's Friday afternoon and you just counted out your drawer then made me pay an extra $90 for a year of vehicle registration but you only gave me 8 months worth plus you charged me for Special Interest license plates with a personalized message even though I just told you I didn't want those anymore I just want the plain old anonymous kind for now because I'm trying to be invisible on the streets of Pleasant Valley until all this shit is over and I know you heard me because we laughed and laughed about it but then you went on autopilot again and that fee was too much by a lot and...I don't trust you. 

But whether she fucked me over because it was 4:30 on a Friday afternoon or whether I really do have to come up with that cash, I still have other surprise paperwork to fill out and phone calls to make before this is all done and over.  god, it's like the worst scavenger hunt ever.  Every time you think you're done there's another fucking riddle to solve.  but it's the weekend so there's nothing I can do about it right now and that's just fine because after leaving the DMV yesterday afternoon I would have asked someone to shoot me but I'm pretty sure it felt like they just did.  Ask Betty.  I called her when I got home.  I sounded shell shocked.  because I was.

And now that I think of it the Commonwealth is probably more like a pimp than a whore in this situation because they get all the money and they just have drones do the grunt work and collect for them.  ugh.

On a positive note...I got a couple of retweets that made me smile despite feeling like I just climbed out of a washer on Spin Cycle.  Thank you Hippest Snippets and Dad Centric.  Really.  Truly bright moments in an otherwise helltastic day.

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