Friday, May 18, 2012

I'm Not Dead; I'm 3D

I'm not dead. I've been very much the opposite of dead for quite some time now as a matter of fact. I've been three dimensional and not doing much online except playing facebook slingo and clicking the Like button every so often.

Okay, so I'm not displaced anymore like I was when last I left you either. I made good on my promise to move back into the house as soon as plumbing was installed. And I was one hundred percent serious when I said I'd move back in walls or not. Because walls weren't done and BAM! I said thank you to the outlaws and left a trail of flame to get back here. Nothing went awry during my time with them, but I didn't want to stick around and take my chances of that happening.

The renovation is working its way into week...six? eight? I have no idea. It's been a long fucking time though and I still don't have everything finished. Well THEY don't have everything finished. But even the stuff I've been responsible for is not completely done either. Tiling the laundry room floor for example. I still have a few left to do there. It's just sticky vinyl tile and stupid easy and I really have no excuse except I kind of ran out of steam. And I have to finish painting the laundry room. Which...I mean, come on. It's the laundry room. It's my least favorite room of the house. I really don't want to spend oodles of time in there for any reason so the delay is psychological and I already primed and painted two bathrooms and a big ass living room with a vaulted ceiling and everything so give me a damn break already.

The cabinets are back in where cabinets are supposed to be. Countertops will be coming sometime next week. I think. Which means they'll probably be in sometime the week after that because nothing, and I mean NOTHING, has gotten done when they said it would. I will concede that the countertops did get delivered on the day they finally said (which was two weeks after the day they originally said). But in my mind "delivered" meant "installed" and in their minds "delivered" just meant "dropped off." So the cabinets sat in boxes in my living room for two days. mocking me. It was practically painful. but they're in place now so yay. and omgthankgod.

It's been a grueling process is what I'm trying to say and part of the reason I haven't been internetty is because I didn't want to put you through the same hell I've endured. you're welcome. I was waiting until everything was finished finished before I wrote anything here again but I've come to realize that if I kept that promise to myself then I may very well never write again and that prospect didn't thrill me in the least. And I've said, "This time next Friday it'll all be put back together" for so many weeks now I can't even finish the sentence without laughing like a crazy person. I'm only a couple weeks away from wallpapering a cell with all the Fridays cut out from the calendar probably.

Anyway, amid the hullaballo we've planted a vegetable garden and a couple flower beds. Because I had zero control over anything going on inside the house so closet control freak me had to exert influence over something and WAHLAH! Tomatoes! and cucumbers and watermelons and zucchini and green beans and peppers and peas and some other stuff that I forget right now. radishes maybe. herbs and whatnot. And that was fun and satisfying and everything's doing really well so far.

There's been plenty else going on in the last month or so and I really could have kept it updated here with things like the time the Kreepy Karpet salesman tried to pressure me into not only a sale but also a date one afternoon. Even though the guy was dripping with turquoise jewelry and eyed me like I was standing on an auction block, it was mainly off-putting because it happened in front of Thing 2.  Dude didn't get the sale or the date but I found the interaction an exceptionally valuable teaching moment to explain to my 10 year old how not to be a douchebag when he grows up.  The More You Know *ting!*

I've also found out that when workmen start to rant at me for reasons beyond my control, I accidentally do my best impression of the pothole voice from that Geico commercial. mm


Always Home and Uncool said...

Home renovation is its own circle of hell.

Silver said...

As does bra shopping with your tweenage daughter. god bless you for handling that so well.