Next!

So, I got a job today. This is in no way career-related. I walked into one of my favorite stores and saw the "Now Hiring Full and Part-Time Positions" sign on the door and talked to my favorite sales girl (who does not call me ma'am by the way, she calls me Silver even though I don't spend a ton of money there) and she said, "You'd be perfect for this!" and pretty much hired me on the spot. It's just a few hours a week, but its sickly perfect for my schedule and super close to home and just a holiday-style gig. I start tomorrow.

And honestly, I could not think of a more perfect place to position myself to meet single, straight men than a stationery store. Really, what a meat market. How do I manage to choose these things? I could have walked into a gym or Home Depot, but nope, I needed stationery and the stars aligned for this. Que sera.

In other news, I came across a thing I wrote in college the other day and it still holds true even so many years later. "I want to be the water in the paint with water paints. My friends can be the little brown dots in the sleeping color pictures waiting for the perfect amounts of me to bring them alive. I must be careful not to smother though, or the colors will smear and swirl making a muddled, ugly mess."

I am reminded of this whenever I meet a new person. I haven't smothered anyone lately that I know of, but it's happened in the past. It's nothing illegal of course, just a general "coming on too strong too soon" thing that has been known to turn casual relationships into former relationships with lightning speed.

This is probably why I can spot desperate souls like that guy from the boat this summer a mile away, 'cause I've been there. As much as I would love to just avoid the encounter altogether, sometimes you have to shut those types down before they get carried away. Women can take a hint with little things like avoiding phone calls and general coldness, well, some women can. The ones who can't...I find them supremely entertaining. With men though...unfortunately, the only thing that gets through to men is a blow to the psyche in the form of a hyper acidic, smart ass comment. For example, that boat guy from the summer was cut off at the knees when he called from across the way, "Hey, why didn't anybody get me a sandwich?" as those of us who'd brought food ate lunch. No one said anything for a second, so I turned to him and said with a wide-eyed smile, "Because nobody likes you." I know, it's awful, but it worked.

In college there was this alumni guy who was like 24 but still hung out at fraternity parties trolling for girls and he was getting kind of creepy with me. Innocent little 19 year old that I was said, "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure," he answered with a wink, "name it." "Why don't you date girls your own age?" I asked. "Uh…" he stammered. "I mean, aren't there any girls at your work you could ask out?" "Uh…they're all fat," he said, defeated. Out of context this might not seem to get the point across, but trust me, with the right delivery…problem solved.

Anyway, I'm meeting new people now and who knows what could come of it.

Healthy temper of enthusiasm and detachment required.