Thursday, June 4, 2009

Passing Rain. Return to Thought.

I looked up at the sky tonight and noticed lightning. Distant lightning. Sirens whooping down the street. Jets in the air. A slight rumble of thunder. The storm is somewhere to the...what is that? North? West? West I think. Definitely thunder - and not as slight of a rumble now as I sit outside.

I crack open a can of beer and think how loud that sounds from my deck - and think of how loud I must have been on the phone this evening as I talked my friend off an emotional ledge. ...or maybe talked her closer to it. More jets. There is obvious termite damage to my tree branches. I really need to call the exterminator back. My stupid neighbor's porch light is on. Am I a bad person because I didn't stop kids from jumping over my neighbor's fence and swimming in their pool this afternoon? Eh, fuck 'em. I'm not moving my skate ramp.

The air is turning cooler suddenly and a breeze is blowing in.

As much as I love thunderstorms, I want this one to miss me so I can sit outside and write. I need to get away from facebook and TV for a while. I don't think I ever truly got the concept of "hot media" from all my Communications classes in college 'til now. I'm too sucked into it though, too dependent. I miss the days of sitting outside for hours at night just pondering. More wind. More thunder. Windchimes now. I do love the lightning show and the smell of anticipated rain.

I feel safe out on my deck under my trees. I've sat out here for so many years for so many reasons. That was a bright flash. Storm isn't far away now. Sometimes for sanity's sake, sometimes in spite of it. I watched Isabel roll through. I hid from the sucky parts of my marriage on this deck. I have planned my future, re-lived my past and smoked more cigarettes than can be counted out here. I feel drops of rain.

It's here now, the storm. I'm going to see if I can sit it out. The chill, the wet. It looks big, but it's blowing through so quickly. If I can just sit in the right place under these trees the sprinkles on my notebook won't interfere with the ink. I won't get too wet. The trees don't seem alarmed; they aren't showing the underneath of their leaves to me. I can endure this. I don't want to miss oh that beautiful thunder sound. I'm staying out here.

It's a drizzle now. Bright flash, cold rain.

Had to stop and get a sweatshirt. It was there for a second, but it's passing now. I can hear the thunder grumble off in some other direction away from here.

Errant drops fall from trees overhead, but I can't be stopped by that. I've sat through utter downpours before. Such a strange time. I welcome the storm and am glad to dodge it. Cars drive through wet roads in the background. I am glad to be where I am.

Comfy at home as the rain passes by, fleeting as the clouds in Aruba. My whole life has brought me to this moment. Quiet and chaotic; sane and searching...and thinking. I love the rain. Just don't let the drops fall so heavily on me right now. I have words to write and pages yet to turn.

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