Monday, August 31, 2009

Letting the days go by...

I heard a joke today that I will share to with you only to get it out of my head. I pre-emptively apologize for this one.

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick."

I was so shocked, I couldn't help but laugh. I married the guy who told me that joke. This amazes me sometimes.

Anyway, I was going to write this blog about motivation last week. I am supremely glad I didn't because the hypocrisy would have been astounding. My X has no follow through, right? We covered that? Guess what...neither do I. Thank you, glass houses moment. yeesh. Granted, I had every reason to be pissed at him but the whole time I was avoiding stuff that I was supposed to be doing (and not long term doing but way short). I still haven't done some of it yet. Having realized this, I am less inclined to murderous tendencies. I'll let the killing go in hopes that I don't get killed myself for similar fuckups.

So, I was pretending to be motivated then realized I am very not. The Mimosa tree for's a mess. Half the roots are hacked all to hell and the other half I go out at look at from time to time. As if my dead stare could inspire their demise. Thank god THAT doesn't work.

I am doing a group therapy thing now. I don't know if I like it. For the most part I think therapy is a beautiful thing. You can learn a lot about yourself; it's like your own personal archaelogical dig. Fascinating. You know what I don't want during group therapy? I don't want to suddenly realize I am the smartest person in the room. That fucking sucks. I had that moment last week when I had to list my weaknesses and strengths. Number one weakness: procrastination. Number one strength: intelligence. The leader dude said I was so smart I should know better than to procrastinate. Really? You're an idiot.

Procrastination doesn't have anything to do with how smart you are. There are plenty of people who's IQs hover somewhere around today's high temperature who manage to accomplish their given responsibilities on time. If he doesn't know that, I don't know how I can take him seriously. It would be like trying to lose weight with a fat group leader.

I am 37 now and still navigating the waters of grown up responsibility. Sometimes I feel like I should know better by now, then I remember the moment when I was 16 and my mother was sewing my younger sister's Halloween costume. She looked up at me out of nowhere and said, "I shouldn't know how to do this. In my head I am the same age you are. How did I get here?" She was 43 at the time. This, whatever goofiness I am dealing with, has got to be regular.

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