Monday, March 8, 2010

Annnnd, we're back

If you haven't folded laundry or done squats in two weeks then we do not recommend combining these activities.  This message brought to you by my hamstrings.

In my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time. 

And just in case you're wondering how Thing 2 is handling the stress of not doing well in school. It looks a little bit like this:

He got upset during dinner originally because I wouldn't let him bring his new drumstick pencils to school until he brought his grades up.  (way to go MOM)  Then he wouldn't eat. dessert. (which is so bogus because dessert around here consists of yogurt or a piece of fruit usually...I mean...big fucking deal, right?)  So, he flipped out for like 5 whole minutes and I took his plate off the table.  That picture is what happened next.

He does this sometimes.  Flips over furniture.  I am aware enough to know that he has rage issues, I am also aware enough to know where he gets them.  [waves sheepishly]  Sometimes you just need to physically flip the fuck out for a minute.  Fine.  But get that shit under control and quick.  I cannot afford a new table right now.

After sending him to his room for a few minutes, I went back and tried to talk him off the ledge.  We got down to what's really bothering him.  He thinks he's never going to make it past third grade.  He's only in 2nd grade now, so I thought this was a bit overdramatic.  I tried to reassure him...What?  You think you're going to be 18 and still in third grade?  They'd kick you out of school way before that.  And look, Pop (paternal grandfather) never made it past 3rd grade and look at him!  He's got his own plane for cryin' out loud.  Forget about 3rd grade, you can work for Pop and learn how to build stuff.  Then you can be a pilot and have boats and golf courses and  houses all over the place.  He can put you to work next summer!  No sweat. 

You would think that would work.  It didn't.  I switched tracks.  Babe, sometimes we don't get along with the people who are supposed to be in charge of us.  They have a certain way of doing things that is totally opposite of ours.  You only have a few more months to deal with your teacher.  This is why you have brand new teachers every year.  Next year will be better.  I promise.  Let's just get through this school year and then you get to learn how to surf this summer, okay?  And I started a hot shower for him.  Half an hour later he was a brand new kid. 

The whole time Thing 1 was playing Modern Warfare 2 while chatting with his future JD compadres.  Yeah, I caved and let him get it.  Thing 1 has been warned there will be severe grounding if he shoots up his high school.  As a parent, you have to set boundaries. 

X update.  He was supposed to be getting back from the Atlantic City road trip today.  This was longer than his usual stay.  He usually (every other month-ish when he's in top form) only stays for one night, so I am not sure how this weekend will spin out.  I can't bring even my most rubbernecking self to make the call to the outlaws to see if he's okay or to see how not okay he is.  I'll hear about it soon enough.  I just hope he makes it through Wednesday because I have kidless plans with Audrey that night.  [crosses fingers selfishly]

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