Thursday, March 11, 2010

Roller Coaster

You know that anti-gravity, adrenaline racing feeling you get on a roller coaster or one of those they-put-this-together-in-HOW-many-hours-?! carnival rides?  That feeling where your eyes go wide, your stomach gets all knotted up and you catch your breath?  I pretty much walk around like that all the time on the inside. 

You'd never know it though.  I didn't even know it until a couple years ago when I rode the Zipper 3000 or whatever at the church carnival across from my neighborhood.  I realized in the, THIS is the appropriate time to feel like that.  Whaddya know.  It didn't get rid of the roller coaster feeling during my every day, I just recognize it now.  Sometimes it's more loopy than others.  Maybe I should ease up on the coffee.

Is that anxiety disorder?  I hope it isn't a disorder.  I don't want a damn disorder.  I certainly don't want to be medicated for it.  When Nameless Best Friend #1 was feeling depressed, she wondered if she should get medication to fix it.  She was going through a separation at the time.  I said that when you deal with depressing things you're supposed to be depressed.  That's why they made up a whole name for that feeling.  I told her if she weren't depressed then that would be cause for medication. 

What I'm saying is that situations deserve the appropriate response.  For example, if my life feels like a roller coaster ride most days then it makes sense to feel like I am on the ride, right?  If I skipped merrily along a treacherous path as black fingered branches clawed at my picnic basket then that would be denial.  Or is it a matter of perspective?  Eh, too deep for the end of the day.  I'll have to explore that one another time.

Anyway, I'm not saying I feel panic every minute,  No.  Not saying that.  I unabashedly love the dips and turns and speed of roller coasters.  I fully admit that I feed on the drama of the everyday.  If things weren't dramatic, I would have to create some excitement.  You know, like take on the planning of my 20th high school reunion for no reason at all besides I neeeeed that "hang on tight, this is gonna be something" feeling. 

Opposite end of that spectrum, I have a facebook friend who every weekday updates a minute by minute account of sitting in the carpool lane.  I am practically bored to tears for this woman but more importantly, isn't that what Twitter is for?  Please, if something like the carpool lane becomes the most interesting thing I have going then I would ask you to take me off life support immediately because that is no kind of living.  Life in the carpool lane looks like flatlining from here.

Give me all the ups and downs of the roller coaster.  I may scream during but only in between the exhilarated smiles.

No comments: