Wednesday, April 7, 2010

All Apples, All the Time

I started the Apple Fast today!  Well, I kind of cheated because I had a pot of coffee this morning but after I was done with that...APPLES.  And water.  All day.  I'm feeling a little head-achy and weird at the moment so I have no clue how this will spin out.

This Apple Fast is an Edgar Cayce suggestion.  Now, if you're going to do some new-age, hippy, bullshit thing like this then I recommend following Edgar Cayce's advice.  Has some pretty cool things to say in the realm of alternative medicine.  Oh sure, you can bash psychics and alternative medicine if you like but that's not very Christian of you, is it?  I don't knock Jesus, do I?  No.  I think Jesus was a very charming guy and had a lot of wonderful things to say.  [does not go off on a rant about religion]  So, whatever, don't be a hater. 

Anyway, Edgar Cayce basically says: For three days eat nothing but organic apples and drink nothing but water.  At the end of the third day take 2 tablespoons of olive oil and wham-o! you're good to go.  Although, originally I don't think he had to make the special note about "organic" apples because he said this before the world evolved into Better Living Through Chemicals.  He probly just said "apples." 

Oh, and to revise what I told a couple of people in side conversations about the type of apples.  I was told the apples should be of the "sheepnose" variety.  This was explained to me to mean that they have the bumpies (technical term) on the bottom like a Red Delicious as opposed to the flat bottoms like a Granny Smith.  I was even going to show you a picture for idiot-proofing purposes.

Guess what!  I was told wrong.  I googled and found out there is an actual varietal of apple called Sheepnose and it's not supposed to be very tasty.  So, I don't think Mr. Cayce would have recommended that.  I mean, he was an out-there guy but I doubt he was a sadist.  Anyway, the point of eating the apples is to let the malic acid and pectin leech the yuck out of your system and ALL freakin' apples have that and as long as they're organic I don't think it matters if they have the bumpies or not.  And I wish I googled that sooner because even schmancy, organic Red Delicious apples tend toward kinda fucking mealy and I like the crisp sourness of Granny Smiths about a million times better.  Damnit.

Okay, back to the point, you do the fast and there's supposed to be this whole physical, mental and spiritual cleansing experience and you're supposed to journal during this so you can release your inner demons or whatever...excellent!  I already do that here!  So I figure I'll be getting good and psychotic by the end of the week.  You can't wait, can you?  Me either.  Hell, it's only been a few hours and I already keep forgetting what day it is.  Fantastic.  I fully expect to have some kind of vision quest, walkabout, sweat tent epiphanies where I find my animal spirit guide or start talking to the grass...except without the crazyass cult leader and the dying part. 

Bring on the hallucinations!  APPLES!

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