Monday, June 21, 2010

I Need More Superpowers

Holy mother of...ohmygod.  My sister Cindy Brady and her pirate of a boyfriend Blackbeard are temporarily splitsville.  With full confidence I predict this will last less than a week.  Even though they're not the "break up/get back together 75 million times" kind of couple. 

I'm not going into all kinds of detail about this because it's just head-shakingly dumb.  Granted, it doesn't feel dumb to them.  To them it is very major and huge and catastrophic and all that.  But it's just...holy crap.  That's why I can't go into detail.  Not my story to tell I guess even though I got crisis phone calls from both of them tonight in the middle of RHNJ and Watch What Happens Live! right before crazyass Danielle was about to sing her tortured lesbian lullaby!  DVR, I fucking love you.  Cindy Brady and Blackbeard, I love you too.  Tighten up.  dammit.

Why is everybody batshit?  Seriously?  Is it a full moon or something?  Was there some grand, sweeping Samurai sword that sliced everyone right through the neck and now heads are doing that delayed falling off thing?  Where was I when this happened?  Is my head just about to roll off onto the floor but I can't even feel it yet because Samurai blades are so wicked sharp you don't feel that kind of thing right away? 

Maybe I'm like the Highlander.  Everybody else is decapitated and I'm over here all jazzed up with the quickening...that would be supremely righteous...except for the part that I'd probably miss all my decapitated loved ones.  eventually.  But then I'd be immortal so I'd have hundreds and thousands of years to make NEW friends as long as I didn't get my own head lopped off. 

Maybe I could be the Highlander but with Spidey Sense to be able to do that slo-mo ducking thing if a blade were headed right for my jugular.  I think I might add those to my superhero abilities.  1. Surplus of electrical energy; 2. Immortality; and 3. Precognitive sensory perception. 

The Junior Counselor to the Free World activity will still be free...just try not to have your crisis in right in the middle of my shows next time, 'kay?  thx.

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