Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Parts War: I'm Boring

Hey, what the hell happened to you?
Wha?  Hold on.  Just one second.  Almost done.
Listen, this is important.  What are you...?  Oh christ, are you making another list?
Geez!  Chill!  Paper clips.  There.
Paper clips?
List for the next pilgrimage to Office Max.
You have officially become boring.  I could weep for you.
But...I'm being organized!  Lists!  3D stuff! 
Uh-huh.  Any of it make for good blog fodder?
Yeah, that's what I thought.  Boring.  You are boring the shit out of me.  What the hell happened to the funniness?  You're not even funny on facebook anymore.
I'm kinda burned out.
Burned out?!  Oh no.  You're not allowed to get burned out yet.  You've got hundreds of more days to go here!  You've got blogapalooza in TWO months.  No getting burned out.
Okay.  Maybe it's just a lull.
A lull?  Mmm-hmmm.  It's because you're not drinking.  You lost all your funny ideas when you stopped.
Oh shut up.  It's hasn't even been two weeks.  Cut me some slack okay?  Maybe it's in the sofa cushions.
wtf?  Oh, wait, you're trying to say "The funny" is in the sofa cushions?  You should be ashamed of yourself for even attempting that one.
Oh god.  You're right.  That was horrible.  What if I'm not going to be funny anymore?  I can't turn into a Mommy Blogger now.  That would kill me.
Yeah.  Me too.  You are definitely not a Mommy Blogger.
Although I'm sure there are some really good and funny Mommy Bloggers out there.
Yeah, but you don't really gravitate toward those.
No.  I like the goofy stuff.  Obscure.  Philosophical.  Escapist stuff usually.
Exactly.  So what the hell happened to your escapist stuff?
I was escaping too much I think.  I have to plant both feet in real life for a while.
Holy crap.  That's not going to be any fun at all.
Look, just because this past week has been decidedly less absurd and chaotic than usual doesn't mean things won't ramp right back up again soon.  We've got the garage thing and shed construction and...y'know...I don't know.  Stuff!  Weird stuff happens to me all the fucking time!
Well, you better start recognizing that because you were about to write about how the Things took turns cutting the grass tonight for the first time ever and how proud you were.  And that about made me want to vomit.
Oh, you're horrible.  That was an amazing thing to witness.
Okay.  Mommy Blogger.
Fuck off.  I could turn that into some kind of inspirational metaphor.
But could you make it funny?
See?  Oh, don't even use the Pesci "clown" line here.  I know what you're thinking.  And the answer is "yes" by the way.  You are here to amuse me.  You have an audience now.  You know that.  They're all a bunch of lurkers of course but they're there.  If you go all "normal" they're not going to stick around I'll tell you that much.
There's no such thing as normal.
But there is such thing as boring. 
Well if you're such an expert on entertainment, why haven't you come up with anything good?  Where's that superhero post, huh?  The one where we rail against Stupidity with Betty and Audrey?  What the fuck ever happened to that?
Is that a challenge?  You think you can spare some time from your organized, list making life to help imagine up some good costumes and a plot line?
I'm not that organized.  Look at the laundry room.
I can't get the door open.
My point exactly.  I can muster up some time for day dreaming tomorrow.
Alright.  You better.  You were seriously making me doubt the need for even going to the BlogHer conference.
Really now?  game on.


Living Shallow, Living Well said...

'List for the next pilgrimage to Office Max'- ha! Funny and so true....what is it about OM? I could get my whole house organized...

Silver said...

Sometimes walking around Office Max feels about as close as I'm going to get to having a religious experience. I could spend hours daydreaming around that place!

And if we had a Container Store around here...I might just move in.
Love your blog btw.