Sunday, June 13, 2010

When I Found My True Voice

After X left in June of 2004 I started seeing Claudia, my very favorite (and only) therapist ever.  I saw her regularly for about the next three years.  Toward the end of my time with Claudia, my life had really taken an upswing.  I was getting into my drum lessons, my timeshare career seemed to be going places and I was getting lots of attention in the romance arena.  I was basically blissed out all over the place.  Total perma-grin.  I believe there may have been lots of *squee!* happening as well.  I felt completely unstoppable.

One week I went in to share the news of all my good fortune with Claudia.  I wanted to tell her that it was like the clouds had finally broken and sun was pouring through everywhere and my whole life seemed to be blossoming like a time lapse film.  Claudia asked me, "What did you do to bring this about?"

Um.  Huh?  What did *I* do?  How the hell should I know?  Everything is just great and happy and wonderful and YAY!  What do you mean 'what did I do'?

She then said that while we had spent plenty of time talking about accepting responsibility for my failures, it was equally important to accept responsibility for my successes.  *tink-tink-tink -- CRACK!*  my head split open like a coconut.  I never thought of that before.

What had I done to elicit such a positive response from the universe?  How had I made so many things exciting and new in my life?

I had started taking risks.  Doing things I only thought of doing before but hadn't tried.  I started speaking with my true voice.

See, I didn't realize I wasn't using my true voice all the time until Claudia pointed it out to me some months before.  I forget what we'd been talking about during that session but the subject of vaccinations came up.  And I got on my soap box about that.  (I really am not going to spark a vaccine debate here because I know most of you disagree with me vehemently.  I've seen your rants elsewhere and I have no interest in getting anywhere near that argument with you now.)  Anyway, after I stepped off my figurative soap box Claudia just kind of sat there, stunned.

Me: What?
Claudia: Where did that come from?
Me: What do you mean?  That just happens to be something I feel very passionately about.
Claudia: Well, obviously.  Whatever part of you that came from?  If I didn't already know you?  You just sounded like a person I would like to get to know better.  Your tone of voice, your whole completely changed.  That was very powerful.  Very attractive.
Me: Um, wow.  Okay.  Thanks.

So that was a pretty cool and also very strange compliment to get from my therapist.  It made me think.  Made me aware of how I was talking, of what I was talking about, y'know?

I don't always have the true passionate voice down - even here in my own personal forum - but I recognize it when it does come out.  And I see the reactions I get.  True voice activity gets me minions in 3D.  It's totally killer.

So anyway, what made so many amazing opportunities come my way then was ignoring all the bullshit and just being who I was out loud with only rare apologies and those were made only when absolutely necessary.  And every time I do that - follow a passion doggedly to its end - success usually shows up like the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

It is a combination of Fate and Free Will where I do everything in my power to make a goal happen and then let the universe sort the rest out in time.  It is very, very, wickedly cool and I highly recommend finding your true voice and speaking with it whenever possible.

1 comment:

mylittlebecky said...

i really liked this one, it made me smile. i'm glad you were able to find it :)