Monday, October 18, 2010

Nobody's Perfect

I used to have a gym membership and there was this one trainer, Jeffrey, who I used to talk with while I was there.  He set me up on the machines when I joined and encouraged me while I was trapped on the elliptical throughout.  We became friends.  He'd tell me all about his girlfriend while offering to give me massages and stuff.  I was unhappily married, so this was pretty much the highlight of my day at the time.

This was about 7 years ago.  Jeffrey was the age then that I am now.  Maybe a little older.  and he was dealing with this crazyass girlfriend drama that made no sense to me whatsoever.  They'd break up, get back together, fight some more because she was suspicious of his "massage" gigs and he'd go begging back to her for reasons I still don't understand.  This went on for at least a year that I knew about. 

He asked me once, "Why is it so hard to know if you're with the right person?"  I asked him back, "How old are you?  Shouldn't you know this shit by now?  How many times do you have to go through this before you realize it's not working and move on to something that does?"  I'm thinking she was adventurous in bed.  Because he wasn't shy about describing that.  including hand gestures.  Unfortunately, this was a fairly popular gym and the PTA circuit has never looked at me the same since witnessing those conversations.

Anyway, I still feel that way about dating.  I could date, I'm sure.  It's not like I don't get approached from time to distant, distant time but god sakes.  They're all, well not all, but most of them...are so easily dismissed in stereotypes.  ...yeah, "labels are for cans"  got that.  fully understand.  but come the fuck on already. 

Don't you get to a point where you can see these people coming from three miles away?  And at the first sign of familiar human nightmare experience shouldn't you just cut and run for your own survival?  We're not getting any younger.  Do you really want to waste six months of you life trying to decide if you truly love someone who pays attention to what Glenn Beck has to say?  or thinks Jar Jar Binks was a fine addition to the cast of Star Wars characters?  or has some other deeply rooted opinion that is infinitely objectionable to the core of your existence?

Why on earth do we trick ourselves into shit like that?  If you think these people are broken and you can fix them, you're wrong.  If you think you're broken and they can fix you then you are also wrong. 

Because everybody's broken.  And the only person who can fix your broken is you.  If you want it to be fixed.  And even then you just move over to another class of broken because everybody is broken all the time.  Do you understand that?  Do you get that no one is perfect?  And what the hell does perfect look like anyway?  I like the fucked up people...I mean, the ones who hang around my category of fuckedupness at least.

Bringing it back to Jeffrey and his girlfriend who I am guessing was just girlfriend number 357 in his repertoire...what was his fate?  Maybe she WAS his particular brand of crazy and he bought a seat next to her on that train.  Or maybe he broke up with her and continues to break up with these women because he hasn't met the other piece of his crazy puzzle in the right way yet.

I can't be sure.  We both quit the gym before I found out the end of the story.  I do wonder though. 

Those massages were pretty hot.

1 comment:

diane said...

I am catching up on some entries after checking out for awhile. Sometimes life gets in the way of interesting reading.
Thus entry made me remember when I was going to the gym regularly and worked out with a trainer once a week. He was at least 15 years younger than me and kind of cute, but not really my type. I was, still am, married. But there was something about how he would touch me to align my body properly that was . . . nice in a way my husband would not have approved. But I very much secretly enjoyed it. Thanks for the memory.