Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Doctor Is In

So Thing 1, my 10 year old, showed me an itchy spot on his back last month.  Looked like some bug got under his shirt and bit the hell out of his shoulder blade area.  I smacked on some Neoporin and let it be. 

The outlaws got involved.  Alarmists.  HE NEEDS A DOCTOR.  I don't trust the medical profession but I rolled my eyes and went along with it because I don't have THAT much of a god complex.  If the kid's sick and needs medicine...then let's get that.

After one month we've been on Four doctor visits.  Two Pediatricians.  Three Nurses.  Four Dermatologists.  Three tests.  Six different medicines. And more guesses than I can even remember.  Including: Strep Throat?  Allergies?  Poison Ivy?  Poison Oak?  Chicken pox?  Herpes?  Pityriasis lichenoides et varioliformis acuta?
Lymphoma?  ETC?!  WE DON'T KNOW!  SEND IT TO THE LAB!

After all that.  After one month of over $200 in co-pays and prescriptions...you know what it was?

Bug bites.

Fuckers.

But they said I can give Thing 1 Prednisone just in case.  if I want to. for no reason whatsover.  they'll write a scrip for it.  When my eyes almost fell out from the rolling of NO the doctor hastily left the room.  Okay then!  No need for a follow up!  Call us if you need to! 

Prednisone.  Like, Hey, if you want to sign him up for chemotherapy just in case you have really good insurance and some free time...we have a chair available!

Asshole.

Bug bites.  Lysol.  Neosporin.

Don't ever doubt me again.

2 comments:

dbs said...

Dear Doctors out there,
Most times, Moms just know. For confirmation, just ask your Mom.

Summer said...

Exactly what dbs said. Sometimes we just fucking know. Why? We just do.