Saturday, November 6, 2010

Retail Fail

I know exactly what I want.  What I want does not exist.  At least not where I've been looking lately.

Shoes.  Pointy toe, Kitten heel, not too fancy everyday shoes.  Because it's November and holy cow brrrr flip flops, you're not cutting it.  but they don't have the shoes I want in the stores I shop.  Instead, they have clunky, chunky loafer clogs with wide rounded toes and square heels and I may as well wear logs on my feet because I'd feel just as sexy in those.  I did chunky platform loafers with the plaid mini skirt ala Clueless back in the day.  That's not a look I can, should or want to attempt 15 years later.  And fuck you, Shoe Designers, for making the only options those, Lady Gaga and goddamn ugh boots.  Are Uggs comfortable?  really?  So are Birkenstocks.  I already learned my lesson there.  be quiet.  And the gladiator and mock boot thing?'s like you want me to look like an amputee.  sadists.

Trench coat jacket.  Neutral color.  Hits at the hips.  Tailored yet casual.  That's what I want.  Do I get that?  Nope.  PUFFY COATS!  cropped military bomber jackets!  FAUX LIGER VESTS from the Teresa Guidice Collection!  and more wool plaid pea coats than you can shake a stick at.

It's just so frustrating because I can see it in my head.  I just can't find it in the world.  yet.  I'll have to wait another year before my fashion genius trickles down to the outlet stores apparently. 

Because last year?  I really, super a lot, a whole lot wanted a Cloche hat.  I don't know why that popped into my head, it just did.  And I looked and looked and couldn't find 'em anywhere, or not anything I wanted.  Forget about asking in stores.  Cloche?  What?  like I was making something up.  This year?  they're everywhere.  I already got a red one.  I'm going to have more before the cold weather's over.  I like the cloche because it has a brim but it's way smaller in the back.  It's not as casual as a ball cap (those are a horrible look for me. I never wear ball caps.  sorry if you have a fetish about that...anyway...) and for short people like myself with necks the length of your average teddy bear, cloches don't pop off when you inevitably tilt your head back to reach for something, or talk to someone over the age of 11.

So I like cloches.  I wanted one.  They decided to oblige me but only delayed by a couple seasons.  It happens like this.  Keep an eye out for the return of the pointy toe kitten heel and the jacket trench.

OH also.  Out shopping earlier.  I happened across a whole wall of For Dummies books.  I only looked at it because I left my Feng Shui For Dummies book outside and it got rained on which was probably against the rules in the first place...but I can't read any of it anymore and I wanted to replace it.  Which is not at all a dummy thing to do.  of course.  Anyway, I didn't see it where I was but my retail fail lead me to so many books For Dummies that made me do the head tilty "wha?" thing tonight trying to imagine who would pay money for them.


dbs said...

Puffy coats are the devil. (That's what my wife says.)

Silver said...

I don't know if they're the devil, but I have a feeling someone is snickering heavily as long as puffy coats stay popular.