Thursday, July 7, 2011

I Miss the You I Used to Know

We bounce when we fall.  That's what we do.  We fall.  We all fall.  And we bounce.  It's the human spirit or something.  I think.

It's *my spirit.

There is a girl in New York City
Who calls herself the human trampoline

You find yourself in these situations that seem impossible.  Surreal.  Never in a million years type things.  

Or at least I do.  I have.

And sometimes when I'm falling, flying
Or tumbling in turmoil I say
Oh, so this is what she means

You have to take a moment.  Or a week.  Or four years.  Some shit doesn't sort itself out in the seventeen minutes of a sitcom.  Or the season of a drama.  Or a whole life maybe.  But...I hope it does.

She means we're bouncing into Graceland
And I see losing love
Is like a window in your heart
Everybody sees you're blown apart
Everybody feels the wind blow

This cannot be created nor destroyed.  It can only be rearranged.

In Graceland, in Graceland
I'm going to Graceland
For reasons I cannot explain
There's some part of me wants to see
And I may be obliged to defend
Every love, every ending
Or maybe there's no obligations now
Maybe I've a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland.

It all evens out.


Paul Simon, Graceland album.  

She's just so sad every day.  It wasn't supposed to be like this.  She wasn't meant for this.  She was supposed to be Mayor of this town by now.  Well, the Mayor's wife anyway.  She trained for it.  She went to all the right parties.   Went to the right schools in the right places.  Dated the right men with the right families.

And she ended up here.  

In the right place but not in the right place.  Stuck.  Stuck in exactly the middle of where she thought she was supposed to be. 

And all these people.   These idiot people are all around her, spinning and toiling in their stupid, happy lives.  Lying.  Pretending that they're doing it right.  But she knows better.  She knows their secrets.  

She has so much power.  She could destroy each one of them if she wanted to with an old photograph or story.  If she wanted to.  But she sits back and watches them succeed while she chews on the empty twig of social niceties.  She bides her time.

Someday her name will precede her.  In a good way.  On a plaque.  In an event program.  On a country club roster.  But she can't see that from here.

Here is a place where everyone remembers and they don't let go.

It's such a small place.  There's no room to stand here.  That's why there isn't anyone else 
around.  If she could just step forward...

There's a whole big world where people love you for your trials.  You don't have to hide them.  And your triumphs are all the more impressive because of them. 

In this big world we love you for who you are and for who you have always been.  We love you the most for being true to these parts of yourself.   


I miss the you I used to know.

1 comment:

kelly said...

Hey Silver!
I really loved this post.
Yep, I still stop by and visit your blog from time to time since we met at BlogHer last summer.

I normally don't like leaving comments on Blogger blogs with my Google account because my info is all out of date and I can't quite figure out how to change what I need to. (I'm a WordPress gal :-) But I'm at if you care to stop by. That was not, I promise, a shameless attempt at getting readers. Just for you so you know where to find me since I met you and think you're pretty cool.

Like you lately, I've been writing in fits and starts while trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up :-) At least you have a direction.

Just thinking of you. Keep writing.