Search Terms (or...Google Might Be Fucking with Me)

Sometimes I go through my search term results just to see what leads people here and what they might be trying to glean from my vast stores of diarist rambling. For the most part you seem to be looking for "silverthinks" or some variation of that, which is fine. I always wanted a dedicated fanbase. thx.

But sometimes I get randomly other different search term hits and quite frankly I don't understand if Google is just fucking with me here or if they really think I'm the go-to source for some of this information.  I don't know whether to be flattered or freaked out is what I'm saying because here's why...

A few notable search terms from recently:

Hot couple in rollers fucking
Fucking in her curlers
Hot girl in rollers

I sincerely apologize for the lack of fucking and general hotness you'll find here.  It's sad for me too sometimes.  trrrrust me. Anyway, I didn't realize there was such a thing as curlers/hot roller fetishism, but whatever, Rule 34 and all. It just seems so retro. Very 1950s ish. Like you're looking to be the milkman who pops in on June Cleaver unawares and *cue porn music*  Or perhaps the interest is Oedipal in nature? Maybe your mom used to wear hot rollers or something and you remember that...um...fondly (see what I did there? fondle-y? heh) in which case...well...that's for you and your therapist to work out.  best luck. and...sorry.

On a related note, there was also: Sissies in curlers

Now, for the many of you apparently who were searching for Sissies in curlers, wow, I mean I know you had to be super disappointed when you landed here.  Because I got NOTHIN' in that department to satisfy your curiosity.  And never in all my years did I think I would feel bad about that. Until now. So I think Google should really take the fall for this one because they led you pretty far astray.

But you're here and I'm a problem solver, so we may as well work together.  Alrighty then, *neck cracking head turn. wiggly keyboard fingers* from my extensive research on this topic (clickety over to craigslist casual encounters), I'm pretty sure there's no shortage of Sissies within driving radius of your local metro area. And even if you don't want to meet them in person, I'd hazard a guess that they would very likely wear curlers, stockings, your wife's lace panties, or whatever else your repressed heart dreams up and email you many, many photos of that.  Based on what I can now not unsee, Sissies seem to be quite...uhm...accommodating. And pretty enthusiastic about self portraiture.

What *I* gleaned from that search is that I need to post some new pictures here because the hot roller self portrait pictures are the ones that pop up if you image search le blog and...not only am I not as accomplished at photography as some people, but also I really should have thought that through.

Moving on.

Blonde with balloon tits sucks | redtube free

My question: What the everloving FUCK, Google? I love you and it's like you hate me leading people here with that. seriously. knock it off. I like internet porn as much as the next minivan mom, but come on.

Now for you, you silly little boy, looking for some chick with balloon tits and...well...sucking (and I'm positive you don't mean in an #EPICFAIL way based on the redtube bit at the end. Although I think that's a question of perspective)  *sigh.  Sweetie. Look. Those ladies have already been bought and paid for. So unless you have a limo filled with blow or semi-legitimate casting couch, they're not giving you the time of day. I'd like to be optimistic about the possibility that you're rolling in scads of cash to pay for limos and camera equipment, but you're Googling free porn. You are broke. Go check your craigslist and see if that waitress at Applebee's "hitt u back" on your Missed Connections post yet. Or just go back to the goddamn restaurant and ask her out in person. In this booty texting, Girls Gone Wild day and age, it's very likely you'll get lucky if you just show up.

Crack rose pipe

Okay, so, multiple people looking for information about the crack rose pipe, you have come to the right place. clearly. Now, you obviously have a little more knowledge than I did when I was first introduced to this appliance if you're stringing that search together.  Because I wouldn't have associated crack cocaine with those little roses in the glass tubes at convenience stores at all. Until the crack smokers I used to sell timeshare with gave me the 911. But let's not let my former naivete get in the way here.

I'm taking the liberty to assume you're shopping for crack pipes online. And with Valentine's day just around the corner, two birds and all. I think it's wise that you're looking for a more discreet way to feed your habit. Especially since you've noticed the dude at the 7-11 starting to look at you with a special twinkle and if history is any indication, you're *this close* to ending up in the cooler with his dick in your mouth to score some quality rock (or vice versa? I haven't learned the etiquette of the sex for drugs exchange. sorry) but you love your wife and you promised her you would never, EVER, do that. again. hence the need for the roses.

Anyway, if you're looking for the line on where you can get crack rose pipes delivered in bulk I'm thinking you should check Oriental Trading maybe? Fingerhut? They have everything. And it's all made in China which means it is specifically designed to kill you. So I don't see why they wouldn't be selling crack rose pipes made out of asbestos and black mold or something. Seems like common sense to me but I can understand how your drug addled brain wouldn't have put that together right away.

See? HELPING! You're welcome.

In conclusion, I think Google is being prankful with these search results. But I haven't decided on whom.