Monday, February 6, 2012

Not Pinterested

I see so freaking many people going ape on facebook over Pinterest all of a sudden.

lahk zees: 


Which makes me raise an immediate eyebrow in a sideways glance and exhale like, orilly? and decide with anti establishment fortitude that I will not get involved in this pop cult.

But maybe that's not fair to Pinterest.  Maybe Pinterest is something I'd omgluv if I got into it.  I can't just dismiss it out of hand without even going to check it out. right?

fine.  *clickety over to fucking Pinterest*

I see cupcakes. glitter shoes. food porn. cupcake nail polish. immaculately expensively decorated homes and outdoor patios overlooking the ocean. crafts. makeup tips. more food porn. more fucking cupcakes. adorable clothes I cannot afford.

This is exactly the type of Stepford shit in which I have zero interest.

Cupcake nailpolish? I can't even keep my nails unbitten for more than a week, and even if I could accomplish that miraculous task I certainly wouldn't paint them up to look like I'm getting ready for goddamn kindergarten graduation.

Food porn.  Food porn can go to hell directly.  do not pass Go. skip the $200. Besides, I don't need Pinterest for that; I see it every day on facebook already.  and some of you? Kudos, looks delish, jehluz, etc. Most everybody else? you do realize that photographing food so it looks appetizing is kind of thing right? Like, a skill?  It's all about lighting and effects and stuff to make the food look more tasty.  I suggest checking out a book at the library on this, or at least Google it or something because whatever it is you just vomited onto my news feed? looks like vomit.  But's VEGAN?! and CLEAN?!  in that case... seriously just knock it off.  kthx.

Makeup guidance. Um. Makeup tips have eluded me since I received my first issue of Young Miss magazine 3 decades ago. I tried to do "smoky eyes" one time last year just for practice and it looked JUST LIKE the picture in the magazine.  Then the kids rolled off the sofa laughing at me. I believe the words, "Oh my god, Mom, you look like a Goth. No," were uttered between gasping giggle sobs. which was not embarrassing at all. So, I'm fine with my liquid eyeliner and Carmex. Maybe an eyelash curler if I'm feeling fancy. I have no use for makeup tips, Pinterest.  what's next.

Immaculately decorated home spaces. *sigh. Yeah. Those are purty. and impossible from here. Thing 2 got a toy bow and arrow thing for his birthday? and he shoots it in the house.  Well, just down the hallway where there's nothing breakable but still. I have boys. I have dirt. And I've never been a neatnik anyway. So Immaculately Decorated has no place under this roof.

Crafts and glitter shoes. These fall into the same category because I believe the glitter shoes were DIY. Now, I'll have you know I won't shy away from a craft project or two, but I mostly do those to be practical. And I'm no stranger to sparkly shoes, I have several pairs. I even made sparkly shoes of my own to wear to a Homecoming Dance. When I was 16. My mother and I glued silver sequins onto a pair of Keds. Trendsetter?  oh hell yes. But the idea of dunking platform heels in a pile of glitter holds little appeal to me now. I'd rather throw $15 at the Payless for knockoff stripper shoes than make them myself.

Adorable clothes I cannot afford pretty much speaks for itself. I'd rather not subject myself to the torture of wanting what I cannot have. but thanks for putting that out there. you're awesome.

My opinion on cupcakes in general? I'm not a fan of the trend. To me, it seems all about the cutesy frosting and less about the actual cake. I'm more about the substance than the style, so I don't really get down with that whole genre.

Anyway, I'm sure Pinterest is just the greatest thing to hit the internests for some of you. And that's fantastic; everyone needs a hobby or twelve. But I'm not going to be hopping on that bandwagon anytime ever.

As far as I'm concerned this whole Pinterest business is just one more of those things like forwarded BS emails that clogs up the space we're going to need for beaming technology in the future. Just doing my part to keep the path clear.

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