Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Back to School

An accidental benefit of this CrossFit thing and its making me want to write again is that in writing again I'm getting my schoolwork done because I've told myself I can't write a post until I get an essay, test, or lesson completed. Which actually got me to finish two essays I've been putting off for weeks now.

See, I've started an online program to become a Master Herbalist. Which makes me feel kind of weird and defensive to admit out loud because it reminds me of a stunt for some stereotypical middle aged woman who goes bananas with every New-Age Enchantment Du Jour to try to find herself. At first I had a rough time justifying that this was any different than when I watched my mother's friends seek out nirvana through past life regression sessions or Jazzercise or whatever over the years but then I remembered that I am doing this as a small act of rebellion against that kind of behavior.

Because last Fall a friend of mine paid a bunch of money to drink the kool aid about this AWESOME MIRACLE ANTI-AGING SERUM and she approached me to get in on buying/selling it. At first I thought, "You know, I've been looking for an opportunity to make some money on the side. How serendipitous!"  Then I did five minutes of research and found: A) I could buy the same product she was pitching for the same price on ebay, and 2) that meant that if *I* bought into the program too joined her on this journey! to start selling the stuff myself introduce people to this amazing opportunity! then I'd lose my ass probably still have boxes of the stuff in the back of my car long after the company founders retired to Belize.

At which point I decided that I would rather learn how to make my own miracle potions than to shill for someone else. So I got clickety online some more and here we are. Enrolled in a Master Herbalist diploma program which I think is pretty cool. It's endorsed by the American Herbalist Guild if that makes it sound any less sketchy to you which it did to me so there.

The reason for the Master Herbalist direction is that the healthcare system is so fucked up anymore. With all the commercials being for medication lately I've noticed that the lists of side effects that take up half the commercial have become less cautionary sounding and more like a subliminal backbeat on the soundtrack of smiling people RVing into the Grand Canyon. Like, "Yes, you're fat, achy, and stressed out to the point of sexual dysfunction. And possibly always will be even if you take our pill with all these scary, risky side effects. But don't pay attention to all that because you'll miss the Dire Straits music."


My more immediate reason to become a Master Herbalist is that I can't find decent Tincture of Arnica since my father stopped making it himself and I have two teenage boys who like extreme sports and take a lot of falls in the liking and there's not one thing better on the planet for getting rid of a giant, swollen, painful bruise than Tincture of Arnica. And the stuff you can get from the Horse Supply Catalog is made with rubbing alcohol instead of grain alcohol and it doesn't work for shit (which a horse probably won't tell you but is my 13 year old's freely offered opinion. you're welcome) The tincture is applied topically, FYI. I'm mentioning this so you don't think I feed my kids liquor. or rubbing alcohol.

ANYWAY, I want to be able to make that and whatever other non-prescription, natural remedies I can conjure up is what I'm saying. And I don't really feel like that's a bandwagon activity. yet.

In other news, my second Crossfit class is tonight. I am about as crazy sore from the first class as I expected but I'm definitely looking forward to more and I didn't necessarily expect that. It's a very competitive environment but I am mainly competing with myself. Since there are very few people who are harder on me than me, I'm pretty sure positive results will follow.

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