Saturday, August 2, 2008

What pulls you to a place

Do you ever have that autopilot feeling? Like when you're driving and you suddenly realize you have no memory of the last couple of minutes on the road? There's a shocking snap to clarity and then you, for whatever reason, lapse back into that comfort zone and do it again (sometimes during the same drive).

You may end up at your intended destination, or you may end up on the road back home regardless of where you were meaning to go.

This doesn't just happen when driving, this happens all the time. And god forbid there's a cell phone involved. I'm not even adding that Stupid Factor into this equation. That's a whole other level of distracted.

For example, I spent a ridiculous amount of time circling Super K a few weeks ago. Despite my list in hand, I managed to zig-zag back and forth between the Grocery section and Lawn and Garden…and I wandered about the middle for a while because some inane thing or another floated into vision it suddenly occurred to me that I might require some flip flops or light bulbs or an area rug or…or…I didn't even know what. I just needed to look around. I am almost embarrassed to admit I was there for more than an hour…closer to two. ?!

I think I just answered my own question. I'm searching.

This jobless thing has had me wondering out loud for a while, "What now?" I think I've chosen it, the career I mean. I chose it a long time ago actually; I'm just kind of rediscovering how important it is to me. Too many things have resurfaced lately to ignore. When you've spent so long talking yourself out of your goals, it's weird to talk yourself back into them.

Once again, reminding myself to stop talking about the things I've always wanted to do and just go ahead and do them. These are achievable goals...even though they might seem like starlight wishes from here.

Everything is possible. deep breath. It damn well better be.

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