Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Missing: Head

My head fell off today.  Somewhere between kids-off-to-school and work this morning I'm pretty sure it fell entirely off.  I will probably find it in the sofa cushions next week.  Everything seems to end up there.  I will  probably find the meaning of the universe in my sofa cushions eventually.

Somewhere between school and work I got a text message from Jan Brady telling me to keep an eye out for Dad at work today because "he's, like, Mom sick."  Like, Mom sick is code for "he'll be dead in 36 hours."  I texted her back, "Good christ.  And you say I'm dramatic..." and then I got in the shower.  Not that I'm not dramatic.  You know I am.  I know I am.  I already copped to that here days ago.  Yes, I am WAY dramatic, but this?  This is untimely.  The universe doesn't do shit like this to me.  Honestly Jan Brady, you can't see it from there but the universe and I have an understanding.  Dad's not dead btw or even dying; Dad is recovering from, y'know, nether-region issues...don't make me go into superfluous detail about that.  When you're sixty-something it takes a minute or two to bounce back from...stuff.  Ease the fuck up.

Maybe my head fell off when I was in the shower.  Maybe it went down the drain.

I ran into the mom of the kid Thing 1 smacked (lightly) last week.  She had no idea anything had happened (I get multiple phone calls from the Asst. Principal and she's got no clue?  ...the fuck?!).  Anyway, she was perfect amounts of apologetic for the teasing that led to the incident in the first place.  I do like her.  Always have.  She said I was being really understanding and nice about the whole thing and why didn't I call her when it happened?  I'm thinking, "Oh crap, I should have called her when it happened?"  I probably should have for the sake of transparency.  Forgive me.  My manual is missing the chapter on What to Do When Your 9 year old Smacks a Kid (lightly) For Teasing.  I plead newness.   The little monkeys are usually over at my house every afternoon and I can tell them directly, "You're getting too rough.  Pick another game or take it somewhere else.  I am running out of ice packs and Band-Aids."  Or, "Don't play in the freakin' trash can. That is gross. What are you thinking? Seriously, off! thetrashcan! NOW!" without getting parents involved.  I'm used to handling everything on my own.  I am probably going to have to rethink that part.

Segue to reunion stuff.  Planning meeting Thursday night.  Have to find a way to get the rest of the 300-ish people in the loop besides just facebook.  Need to ask for assistance with that out loud and accept the help that is offered.  When I do make the request, it will not sound like I have had any internal struggle with that.  Or maybe it will.  As long as I don't sound desperate I'll be fine.  People tend to leave trails of flame at desperate (I do).  What did we say in college?  "I'll be your friend, but I won't be your only friend."  Trust me, I won't put it all on you.  I'll need a small army of friends in this department.  [Ends mildly desperate rant]

Where in the world could my head be by now?  Under the bed?  Maybe I left it in the garage door along with my keys.

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