Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'm Only Temporarily Insane

"Let yourself feel what you feel, dammit!"  That's what I told NBF1 on the phone.

And at some point this afternoon a switch flipped and I became this open current of emotion.  An electric firestorm of rage, doubt, helplessness and fear that only Maximum Strength Pamprin could calm down eventually.

Doors left open. again. and again. and again?!
A 4th grade extortionist?!
You never saw The Neverending Story?!
OR The Princess Bride?!

I stood outside myself thinking calm, sane thoughts. 

Please close the door.  Well, that's just ridiculous; we don't negotiate with terrorists.  How in the world could you have missed these movies? 

But the person wearing my skin was made of fire and throwing sudden bolts of uncontrolled anger at everything instead. 

CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR!  ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!  HOW THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN FRIENDS?!

Let yourself feel what you feel.

Seriously.  Is this some kind of joke?  Is this what instant karma looks like?

Those feelings are there for a reason.

I attacked the sink with every bit of fury I had in me to keep from continuing to flip the fuck out.  And strains of Bridge Over Troubled Water started whispering in my head.  My mother used to quote that song to me.

Sail on, Silver girl.  Sail on by.  Your time has come to shine.  All your dreams are on their way...

And as I crumbled to the kitchen floor in a crying heap I realized I wasn't really angry at unfollowed rules and bullies who made everything harder.  I was angry with myself for unfinished business and standing in my own way.

PMS is like boot camp therapy. 
And also?  fucking sucks.

-- Honestly, if you haven't seen The Neverending Story or The Princess Bride?  You really should rent those. 
(quick, before the Pamprin wears off)

5 comments:

Mez said...

I have those moments too....Just this weekend, I was talking to a person that some friends had introduced me to...I sort of think it was because we are both single...but he blew it when I started talking about where I wanted to live and I said.."Well, I really like Northern California with all the wineries and not to mention 'Skywalker Ranch' " He looked at me puzzled and said "What is Skywalker Ranch? A fancy winery?" I actually think my head may have spun around at least once and fire just might have come from my eyes and in the snippiest voice I've EVER heard come out of my mouth, I said "Ummmm only where all of the Star Wars magic happened" As I heard it come out I tried to stop it, but I just couldn't...how does someone live over 40 years and NOT KNOW about Star Wars...and be a guy!! I realized what a bitch (not to mention complete geek) I was and I quickly walked away so that I wouldn't say anything else. I realized today that it was PMS. He later asked my friend if he thought he might have a chance with me (great...a masochist...that's so what I need) my friend told him that he doesn't think we have that much in common...but he gave him my number anyway...UMMMM....Thanks douchebag!

P.S. I watched The Princess Bride last night after The Big Lebowski...both of which I pretty much recited word for word....I need a life! :-)

Silver said...

I probably need more OTC meds because I find the words "fancy winery" just as much of a red flag as lack of Star Wars knowledge.

Proceed with caution. Dude.
May the force be with you.

Mez said...

Oh...I can't even comment on the "fancy winery" comment..everything went red when he didn't know about Skywalker Ranch, so I kind of tuned it out....I might have slugged him if I had actually thought about it!

studioeightonesix said...

Haven't seen Neverending Story and The Princess Bride? Does any such person actually exist? Seriously. You have to be bullshitting me. For shits and grins, I like to throw myself down steep hills while yelling at the top of my lungs "As you wish!". And don't even get me started on Falcor. You already know my deep rooted appreciation for that wonderful creature. PMS or not, you are in the right to tear said person a new asshole.

Silver said...

She said she'd rent at least one of them this weekend. Baby steps. :)