Jesus Camp and Not Swearing

Thanks to my new favorite movie-watching outlet NETFLIX (and don't ask me why I didn't sign up for this 8 years ago...I have no idea either), I saw the movie Jesus Camp last night.  It's the most disturbing movie I have watched on purpose in years.  Have you seen this?  Jesus Camp? 



It automatically made me think all evangelical cult leaders were pedophiles even though there's no hard video evidence of that in the movie and I certainly haven't spent enough quality time around those people to know for sure myself.  but...woof.  yuck all around.

I went to Vacation Bible School with friends when I was younger.  I don't think that was the same.  I mean, inhaling gold spray paint while making macaroni crucifixes and singing clappy happy Jesus songs for few hours a week in August isn't the same as being commanded to pray for George HW Bush's Supreme Court nominee or speaking in tongues to your new, plastic Fetus for Jesus so legal abortions will become illegal.  Right?  They nailed the key cult markers of Isolation, Indoctrination and Letting Them Loose On Washington.  It was almost like a low budget version of a what a good New England prep school does.  Evangelicals clearly need better funding to get their point across.  (Read: Sarcasm.  Heavy.  Sarcasm)

On the crazyass scale, Jesus Camp went right on over to 11.

Now, if you feel comfortable sending your 6 year old for a week or several at Sleepaway Cult Camp to dress in camo face paint and bang sticks together in a bizarro Christ-y version of Walmart Musical 3 to banish sin from his soul?  It was nice knowing you.  Can't WAIT for the lengthy Christmas newsletter updating me on how your family militia is coming along.  (not really.  I probably won't even read all the words of that.  I'll just quote the insane parts here)

Anyway, Jesus Camp DID affect me profoundly.  It made me want to take all the even close to religion-related swear expressions I use OUT of my vernacular.  I use a lot of those.  "Holy!" this and "Mother of!" that.  And while I find, "Holy Mary mother of what the fuck?!" fun to say (because of all the syllables really), that just seems a bit lacking in creativity on my part.  And I don't abide by using the church as a crutch.

So I was going to spend the day thinking of non-religious, non-expletive swears.  I didn't come up with any.  I got sidetracked by wondering if prostitution would be less illegal if proceeds went to charity.  Look, I want to help the Gulf people too, this is for a good cause.  Gah!  (see?  I gotta stop that)  Anyway, when fundraising titles like "Muff for the Marsh" and "Going Down for the Gulf" are running through your head it is very hard to come up with something family friendly.  sorry.

The only good non-swear swear I saw today was on facebook (of course).  One of my friends called someone (probly a World Cup Soccer ref) a "possom [sic] faced mike foxtrot" which I of course instantly loved.  That's what I'm looking for.  Possum faced.  Mike Foxtrot.  perfect.  I wonder if Dr. Phil has a glossary too.