Friday, June 25, 2010


I keep hearing things that aren't there.  Doorbells, ringing phones, e-mail alerts.  This is a whole different layer of crazy.  And probably a sign I shouldn't act like a hermit for a week while the kids are gone. 

See?  Did you hear that?  Imaginary doorbell.  again!

It's like I'm Pavlov's dog but with visitors instead of food.  Did Pavlov ever mess with the dog like this and ring the bell even when food wasn't there?  If I were that dog I'd snarl at Mr. Pavlov over there while he smuggly wrote shit down on his little clipboard.  I might even bite him even though you're not supposed to bite the hand that feeds you but that saying doesn't mention anything about legs and if there's no food anyway I would be totally justified.  Wouldn't I?  That's right, Pavlov.  Roll that around in your noggin for a while.  And think twice before you pull a stunt like that again.

Wait.  Was that the phone?  damn you.

Anyway.  I got tagged in one of those facebook meme note thingys today.  It's probably as fascinating as I am sitting at home on a Friday night.  Enjoy...


Let others know a little more about yourself [Author pauses to snort with laughter], re-post this as your name followed by "ology"

1. What is your salad dressing of choice?
Oil and vinegar?  Balsamic something?

2.What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Depends on my mood.

3.What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?

4. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Tomato, basil something?  wtf is up with the food questions?

5. What do you like to put on your toast?
Cinnamon sugar.  Seriously, another food question?

6. How many televisions are in your house?
One and a half

7. What color cell phone do you have?

8. What does the first text message in your inbox say and who sent it?
Dude.  I delete those almost immediately...for space saving reasons of course.

9. Who was the last person to call you?
My 10 year old.  Looking for XBox accessories I can't find.

10. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right handed.  wait.  Yeah, that's the right.  okay

11. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Surgically?  This is a very weird question.  I'm starting to worry about you.

12. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Sledgehammer.  wait.  Laundry basket?  I forget

13. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Listen, if YOU have this information I am totally getting a restraining order right now.

14. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I have already changed it too many times.  Plus...what's better than Silver?!  (and don't say "gold" you idiot, that was rhetorical)

15. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
You're a real sadist, you know that?  How big is the bottle?

16. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Like 7? 

17. Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Define "run-in"

18. Last person you talked to in person?
A cashier probably

19. Favorite Month?

20. Missing someone?
Not technically.  I mean, I know where they ARE.

21. Mood?

22. What are you listening to?
Imaginary doorbells.  And outside.

23. What are you watching?
My language

24. Worrying about?
Right now?  How much you know about when I'm going to die.

25. What’s the last movie you watched?
[whispers] "jesus camp"  shhhh.

26. Do you smile often?
In a constant, almost obnoxious way.

27. Do you always answer your phone?
Absolutely not

28. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Someone who thinks I give a damn at four in the morning.  Which I do not.

29. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I would not change my eye color.  Green eyes rule.

30. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
What Gin said - "I don't."

31. Do you own a digital camera?
Not technically.  Wait.  That's not true.  Yes, I own a digital camera.

32. Have you ever had a pet fish?
Ah, Jenny the Dragon.  You are missed.

33. Favorite Christmas song?
"It Must Have Been the Mistletoe"  In the most cheesetastic way of course.

34. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
To be done with this questionnaire.

35. Can you do push ups?

36. Can you do a chin up?

37. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Totally excited.  Blogapalooza, y'all!

38. Do you have any saved texts?
What am I?  New?  Hell no.

39. Ever been in a car wreck?
Wreck?  No.  Accident?  maybe one or two. 

40. Do you have an accent?
I am a proud sayer of "y'all" so...yes.

41. What is the last song to make you cry?
What exactly are you compiling this information for?  seriously.

42. Plans tonight?
Oh, you're just being mean now.

43. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Not that I was prescribed medication for or anything.

44. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Lottery tickets.  mistake.

45. Have you ever been given roses?
I try to block that out.  Don't give me roses.

46. Current worry?
I will grow old and die before I finish this.

47. Current hate right now?
Hate is useless.  But I am not a fan of cops.

48. Met someone who changed your life? When?
Constantly.  All the time.

49. What song represents you?
Too easy.  Quicksilver Girl.  Steve Miller Band.  duh.

50. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
You're the stalker; you tell me.

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