Sunday, October 31, 2010

Are We Done?

I woke up this morning feeling like someone hit me in the middle of the back with a tire iron.  I was home alone last night so I'm pretty sure that didn't happen and I can't for the life of me think of why I'd be in pain given the fact that all I did was sit on the sofa in soft clothes watching Hot Tub Time Machine and Get Him to the Greek and be stupid on the internet. 

Hot Tub Time Machine?  great.  but it's got John Cusack.  I am naturally biased in favor of every John Cusack movie ever made.  even that scary one I will never see in a million bajillion years because I hate scary movies.  and 2012 probably which I haven't seen yet and quite possibly sucks but you won't hear that from me.  Because I deeply, deeply love John Cusack and few things would make me happier than dewy eyed staring at him in person as he went off on some neurotic philosophical rant.  *dreamy sigh* 

Get Him to the Greek?  I give it a solid "meh."  But I was fairly well into the cabernet at that point which might be clouding my judgment.  I was expecting a laugh out loud Tropic Thunder like experience.  I did not get that.  as I recall.  and I don't feel like watching it again, so...meh.

And I woke up in pain.  totally not fair.  And then it was all "oh shit, Halloween is today!  I gotta carve pumpkins and get candy and Thing 1 doesn't even have his clothes picked out for his costume and I gotta cover Thing 2 in spirit gum and fake hair.  dammit I hate Halloween."  Because I really don't like Halloween.  I go through the motions for the kids but I would be totally fine without this holiday on the calendar.

The onslaught of scary movie commercials alone is terrible.  I cannot get to the remote control fast enough when those come on.  If I even see The Exorcist on the TV channel menu it gives me the chills.  God forbid I landed on a scary movie even for a second by accident.  I wouldn't be able to sleep for weeks.  That ghost story, supernatural, stuff you can't kill terrifies me beyond reason.  

And then there's all the candy.  Which doesn't seem like that big of a deal until you're a parent and your kids collect enough candy in two hours time to eat a piece a day for the next year at least and turn into absolute hell on wheels about it.  And I don't even get to dress up as anything fun because I have to stay home and hand out candy to these spoiled little morons who don't even know how to say Trick or Treat they just stand there and slobber over the candy bowl as I prompt them for 30 seconds with "what do you say?" because fuck if I'm having to go through all of this and they don't have work for it.  slackers.

And sure, I guess I could dress up if I wanted to but I don't want to be the Mom Standard witch.  And all the other costumes I'd pick would probably lean toward slutty and it's hard enough being one of the only single moms in the neighborhood without having all the little Storm Troopers and Fairy Princesses wander up to the door eye level with thigh high stockings and a too short skirt as their helicopter parents hover close behind in horror.  I'm not stupid.

But it's over!  Halloween is over.  whew.  And I can throw away the jack o' lanterns and take down the lights on the tree and figure out a way to keep the boys from being on a constant sugar high from now til January.

Oh, stalker update.  To follow up from a few days ago about that guy who texted me inappropriately who I didn't even give my number to?  I saw him on the ball field Saturday.  At first, I happened to glance over just as he noticed me and watched him falter in midstep with the "oh fuck there she is what do I do?!" tripping over himself move.  awesome.  He didn't say hi.  Then later he was working the concession stand and tried to play things off by pulling some random dude into a conversation,

"Hey!  Uh...hey!  Did you know her name is Silver?!"
Puzzled looking random dude said, "Wha?"
Texter said, "Yeah!" then turned to me and said, "I mean, that was sooo weird.  Like.  I can't even...  heh.  That just really threw me off when I found that out!"
"I know," I delivered with a nice smile, furrowed brow and a sucks-to-be-you shrug.  And then I walked away because there were like 15 people behind me in line. 

That should be the last of him.

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