Crushes

I get crushes.  I always have since forever times a million.  plus one.  Crushes pass.  They're supposed to pass.  They don't ever pass in my experience actually.  They linger somewhere in a corner.  Crushes gather dust but they're there.  That soft spot in your heart people talk about...that's where the crushes pile up.

You see your crushes in the grocery store or online or wherever and you have that scurry heart beating moment blowing the dust off boxes and ignoring the yellowed faded pages of notes gone by so the shiny newness from however long ago glimmers sometimes glaring straight into your everyday.  for a moment.

But it didn't work then.  It won't work now.  You bump into these people because you're looking for something but it's like it's the wrong thing.  Or maybe it's the right thing but the wrong time to find it.  I'm not sure why crushes happen in the grand scheme.  or why they don't ever seem to work out.

Maybe they're like the funnybone test in a physical.  They pop up and whack you and your involuntary response means you're functioning fine.  It tells you the chemical part of your brain that's supposed to trigger the Falling in Love sensation still works.  whether or not you intellectually believe in romantic love anymore.

Somewhere inside it is remembered.