Saturday, November 5, 2011

Hot Rollers and Other Challenging Things

It's a regular Saturday night at home.  I've dropped the Things off with the outlaws under the impression that their father might grace them with his presence tonight.  Because he said he would.  I have my doubts.  But whatever, it's Saturday night, that's what we do.  HAVE FUN HANGIN' WITH GRANDMA KIDS!  Because even though I don't have plans?  I could.  And someday I might.  So they need to be prepped for any eventuality.  and quality time and stuff.  

Okay.  So.  What could I be doing tonight?  Well, there's some kind of cookout in my neighbor's driveway across the street, but I didn't hear about that until just a little bit ago and I have loaves of bread in the oven.  So I'm just going to skip the cookout.  Because...meh.

What I'm doing while waiting for said bread to bake?  Mess with hot rollers!  Because I have layers in my hair for a reason and it doesn't have anything to do with the ponytail I wear far too often.

So, hot rollers.  I got these a couple weeks ago and the result was AWESOME if there were a Dallas remake and they had a casting call in my area looking for honky tonk extras.  

This is what we start with.  Regular hair.  Albeit unbrushed for a few hours. 

Once the rollers are good and nuclear, we wrap up the hair and voila.

Oh shush.  We can't all be The Bloggess.

 Unwind those little demons and here we go.  You can't pull them out mind you because it will do something horrible to the curls.  The instructions say this along with every hot roller instructional video on youtube so I make sure to unwind carefully for best results.  I didn't wash my hair for the requisite three days after my obligatory 8th grade perm either.  Sidenote: when Spiral Curls are all the rage?  Don't entrust your perm to a woman who does little old lady hair on the regular.  It's a miracle she didn't throw in some Bluing just for effect.  It was bad.  But did I wash it out?  Hell no!  Just like I unrolled the curlers carefully here too.  It's like I never learn anything sometimes.  See?

Because what we got here is an unfortunate curl situation.  I don't think Farrah ever dealt with shit like this on her worst hair day.  And the Real Housewives?  Tables would be flipped in short order I would assume.  

Ever the optimist, however, I'm thinking there might be a way to remedy this mild hair-tastrophe.  A megaton of Aquanet and a round brush.  Here goes.

We have achieved fucked up Pageant Hair.

Does that warrant a Wah Lah?  I mean, I'm not trying for the pageant circuit so I don't really think this'll fly.  And I'm pretty sure most people who know me in real life wouldn't be able to stifle the snickering if they saw me walking around like this in public.  I know because I walked around in public with this hair two weeks ago.  There was an awful lot of snickering going around.

So, I have to take a slightly different tack with this apparently.  I'm thinking spiraling the hair before winding might be the key to get the Real Housewives hair of my dreams.  Or maybe just hairspray the hell out of it and give it a little time to settle down.

And that's where we are now.  

Bouncin' and behavin' indeed.

So besides that, I mentioned I was baking bread, right?  Well, every so often I'll pick up yeast packets at the grocery store with the intention of  making homemade bread.  Because I forget why besides that just seems like a good thing to know how to do.  But the idea of it sort of scares me so I never actually went through with the bread making thing.  Until today.

This is all because Undomestic Diva posed an Operation Eleanor challenge to her readers and on Twitter (hashtag #OpEleanor) to do something that scares you/me/us each day for 30 days.  I don't know if I can get on board with the whole meme but when I walked away from the yeast packets in the pantry today thinking "I just don't think I can do that" all of a sudden the #OpEleanor directive sprang into my head and I started making bread.   It was weird.  But I did it.  

I was positive the whole time the bread was probably going to suck because the "Best By" date on the yeast packets was October 2011 but I didn't remember at first that it was November already and it's kind of a good thing because I probably would have stopped myself if I'd had the sense to look at the calendar.  But I didn't.  And I made the bread anyway.  And you know what?  It's bread.  Actual, edible, not at all terrible bread.  And I'm pretty sure I could repeat that process more than once and better each time.

Who knew.


Always Home and Uncool said...

Hair maintenance is proof it is good to be a guy.

Silver said...

You're just blessed with a natural loveliness, Kev. But let's not be exclusionary, you're totally counting out metrosexuals and Ryan Seacrest.

Cheney Giordano said...

You definitely don't need weekend plans to have a blast, obviously. Loved the Farrah hair. If I tried that I'd probably end up like Shirley Temple on crack.