Saturday, April 21, 2018

View From Under the Wagon

Okay, so I skipped Day 3. But it made me aware of a few things. I had an idea for a post in my head all day, I just didn't make the time to write it out. Which makes me know that this is a good experiment with which to continue. The writing has helped keep things in focus and get me more motivated. Granted, that motivation was to clean the house to an acceptable level for guests since one of the kids was having a friend ride the bus home and I had to get out to work and writing fell by the wayside...but I was still thinking about it the whole time I was cleaning and wishing that I could do more than one thing at a time.

I also skipped Day 3 on the No Alcohol goal. Which was sort of unintentional and sort of willful disobedience at the same time? I was abstinent for the first part of the evening and then when we got to our dinner spot, the bartender had already opened 2 beers before I could ask for water instead. Twist my arm. I ended up having 4.

And then regretted it shortly after because I started getting congested during dinner and overnight could barely breathe I was so stuffy. And itchy. And generally miserable. So I googled and while I don't think it's a true allergy to beer, there's definitely some kind of intolerance. That makes it super easy to avoid in the future because holy shit that sucked out loud. I'd been congested and sneezy and all that before but I figured it was due to seasonal allergies. Then everything cleared up while I was on the wagon. Then 20 minutes after falling off? Respiratory mayhem. so yeah. there's that.

But what I was going to write about yesterday was that no one can sabotage you without your permission. When I went out to our regular restaurant on Day Two and wasn't having a beer, I got the record scratch reaction of, "What?! Why not? What's wrong?" and I mentioned it was an experiment and pH levels and whatnot and after loads of advice about drinking lemon water and Apple Cider Vinegar and "Just one or two should be okay, right?" I stood firmly on my own two feet and said, "Yeah, it should but I already do that and it's not working. Hence this experiment. I'm just testing to see what happens."

But I could have very easily thought, "You know, to hell with all the research and effort I've put into this so far. I probably don't know what's best for me anyway. I'll just listen to everyone else and then wonder why things aren't improving." Because I've done that in the past. Such a cop-out. But it's not like they sabotaged my efforts without my consent. Nobody cut my brake lines or poisoned my food. They just reinforced my negative self-talk and I let that get the better of me.

I'm not in that same head space this time.

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