A bitter pill

I need to take my own advice and just shut the fuck up sometimes. Drinking and blogging can be a very unwise habit to get into. I submit that I take some creatively dramatic license with some of my descriptions...not always as good of an idea as it seems at the time.

Comedy and...

Brian Regan is one of my favorite comedians. He’s adorably goofy. I had the best time with my kids last night watching an hour of him on Comedy Central. It did help that he had a couple of Dora the Explorer references in his act and the worst swear word he used was “hell”…how often do you find a comedian you think is hilarious that your kids get too…? The downsides to my children’s advanced understanding of humor is that they are sometimes un-gotten by their friends and their teachers find them a bit cheeky. Sorry. It’s a hard row to hoe kids, get used to it.

In other news, recent events have me feeling a bit blissed out. This general sense of wellness isn’t going away. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop like the worst April Fool’s gag ever…but it isn’t. My cynical side is being mercifully squelched.

However, my cyberstalker still doesn’t have a fucking clue. And I found out the other day that I am not his only target. I’m choosing to be thankful for this rather than insulted although I don’t get how he keeps a full-time job with so many victims. I’ve thought about plotting his destruction; it’s been a while since I’ve publicly decimated anyone.

I will send this warning beforehand: Think before you type. Try sitting on your comments for a 48-hour period; if they still seem as brilliant after two days…fine.

Otherwise: Shut the fuck up.

Shiny happy

I don't know what it is, but I feel a huge sigh of relief. It isn't about anything specific but there is a general sense of wellness going on. It's not like any of the drama has subsided, it's just that I don't care so much about it right now. I'm not even on anti-depressants although I imagine this is what they would do if I were.

The Facebook thing, the reconnecting with old friends thing I mean, has a lot to do with it. Maybe my hypothesis from months ago about sorting through old evidence and finding that singular clue was a real thing. Hanging out with Jessica on Saturday night was probably the springboard into this shiny happy moment. Really, there are so few people who truly get my optimistically morbid sense of humor…to find someone who got that at the age of 9 and be able to still be friends...that's special. Or it could be because they like me at work and want me to stay after the holidays. Whatever the cause, I'll take it.

For the other people who got my optimistically morbid sense of humor after the age of nine...it's good to connect with you too.

Otherwise - don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you.

Random

Okay, I'm just going to say it, whoever gave the green light to Beyonce's Christmas release should be shot. I have holiday music pouring through the speakers at work constantly and her "I got your back on Christmas" or whateverthehell song plays all the time needs to stop immediately to the point that I wish it had never started. Ugh.

The Burger King commercial with the dwarf on a tractor. Really?! Still?! I used to love the Whopper Jr. with cheese. If I still ate fast food on an even semi-regular basis I would make a point to boycott BK for this. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the dwarf population as a whole. I just wouldn't use it as a marketing tool.

I have to change my personalized license plate. I don't think BTHNKN goes with the cinderblock-sized dent I got after backing out of my Dad's driveway and smack into my future brother-in-law's tank of a bumper on Thanksgiving.

Last week my father said that when there are people around you who share your given name you feel a sense of place in the world. My requirement of being just a bit different made a lot more sense after that. I know there's another woman named Silver living somewhere in the Greater DC Metro Area area; I met her once. I wonder if she's always felt the same.

Love

This is a strange week for me. Yes, I am having a lot of those lately. See, last year my mother died tomorrow. The anniversary of her death is technically the 5th, but it will always be the Wednesday after Thanksgiving for me. And probably the 5th too.

I was going to end it there, but you know what? Life doesn't just stop like that.

This night last year I bought a Christmas Tree with my kids anyway (I didn't know it was going to be tomorrow). I did that again tonight. This night last year I went to her room in the ICU and heard the song "Heat Wave" by Martha and the Vandellas in my head while at her bedside. I didn't want to hear that. That was the song she always wanted to be played at her Wake. This doesn't mean anything to you, I'm just wandering. It does make me choose some of the songs on my playlist though...in a "remember me like this" kind of way.

Gosh, I wish I could make things sound normal. Things were okay for almost a week just a minute ago. There is no such thing as normal.

All I can say is that you have to find something you honestly love in your life and go after that like it is your job. Friends, family, charity, hobbies, work...whatever you do to fuel your soul...that is the most important thing.

Love is the most important thing.